Chapter 9: Holding Out

Nolan was playing that same tune on his guitar when I got out of the shower. He always added to it around the new year mark. It sounded like he was trying to piece together the next part of the composition. What he was trying to create was beyond me. I asked year after year, and he refused to divulge that information, telling me that it was just some limerick that was stuck in his head. I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t make him tell me. I understood that it was personal. I was selfish, not insensitive. This time the newly added piece sounded a little gloomy though. I wondered what thoughts ran through that beautiful head of his when his thick fingers played with those delicate strings. Me, I hoped.

My soaked hair sent droplets of strawberry scented water cascading off my flat dirty-blonde hair onto my breasts. I pushed open the door to my room and Nolan stopped strumming the strings, his sight falling briefly on my naked body. His eyes quickly closed, followed by a subtle shake of his head. He set aside his guitar and got up, blindly walking to the dining table.

“Miss Baker, I believe we need to leave in 25 minutes.” Nolan said, devoid of lust and without even turning to face me again. “Please get ready.” Nolan was great at using mental boxes. He never showed his emotions to me. All I got to see was his poker face or anger towards others. Just two Nolans existed for me, except when we kissed. Then, and only then, I got to see, hear and feel a Nolan that only existed for me.

“Of course, Mr Stalker, I will.” I said, humming the earworm of a tune that he had started to compose about five or six years ago. I closed the door behind me and wrapped my towel around my still wet body. I sat on the ottoman as I patted myself dry. I glanced at my pinging phone and sighed. That thing never stopped. Would getting a new number help? No. We tried that a year ago and then for a continual weekly basis for seven months before that. It was pointless. Someone always got my number somehow. I went over to look at it and was welcomed with approximately 105 notifications. I hadn’t looked at my phone since last night so I decided to give it a once over. A single notification caught my eye. An iMessage from Declan Handsome Waters. My heart fluttered.

Declan:                  Morning sunshine. Hope you’re not too wussy and won’t back out from tonight. Waiting to suck those luscious lips of yours 😉

Was he taunting me or flirting with me?

Felicity:                 I’m no wuss, Mr Arrogant. I’ll see you at 7. Have a messed up day.

I didn’t expect anything back from him, so I turned to my wardrobe to pick out my clothes. It was chilly and raining. Januarys always begun like this. Whatever I wore had to be date-worthy. I wasn’t coming back home to get changed before meeting Mr Handsome. We had a pre-parents evening preparation to do. I was so glad parents evening was on Thursday next week and my birthday was on Tuesday. I pulled out a black skater dress that had a lace front and matching belt on the waist. When pulled tight, it separated my breasts from my butt which would normally look completely bulky. This dress was my favourite. I had received it in an unmarked package about three months ago. The note it came with read eight simple words that drive me insane to this day; You’re perfect; You just need to be confident. I never found out who dropped this into the building, but Nolan assured me that whoever it was probably didn’t mean any harm. Although, he did check the security camera that evening and then said something along the lines of ‘fuck it’ and ‘I’ll speak to the building managers’.

I packed some foundation and eyeshadow into my handbag. I’d have to top myself up before leaving school. Once my look was ready, I opened the door to find Nolan sitting on the couch, tuning his guitar. He turned to look at me and for the first time in forever, he looked. He stared. For all but five seconds, before he took a visible gulp, his Adam’s apple bopping as he stood up.

“Miss Baker, you’re ready?” Nolan spoke as if unfazed as always.

“Yes, Mr Stalker. Shall we go?” I said, smiling. He was affected by something. My outfit? Seeing me naked earlier?

“You’re wearing that?” He held my gaze this time.

“Why?” I thought I looked alright in this dress. Did I look ridiculous? “Doesn’t it look good?” My voice lowered, was I ever going to look good?

“Yes, no… You do… It’s not a…” Nolan shook his head, and as if exasperated, his jaw clenched. “Miss Baker, you look beautiful, but…” Nolan cleared his throat. “That dress is not suitable for work.”

“Beautiful?” The word caught in my throat as my brain riveted into gear. If Nolan thought I looked beautiful, then why did he sound so angry?

“Miss Baker, that doesn’t seem appropriate for school.” Nolan said, gritting his teeth. I hadn’t seen a jealous side of him before, but something made me think this was it.

“Really, Mr Stalker?” I huffed. “Now you’re going to tell me what I can and can’t wear? Is my father paying you for fashion advice too?”

“Get your coat. We’re late.” Nolan sighed, pushing his phone into his pocket. His sharp jaw stayed clenched while we walked to the underground station.

“So, I’m going to meet Mr Handsome at seven for our date. We have the prep for the parents evening next week so I won’t finish until half past five or six o’clock. It will take me a long time to get home and change so I decided to wear this.” I put my hands out to indicate that I was talking about my dress. “Do I really look alright?”

Nolan didn’t look at me as he walked beside me in his dark blue jeans and black overcoat. “You look lovely. I overreacted because I didn’t expect you to wear a dress to school. Miss Baker. Because you always wear leggings. Or jeans. And with those kids…” Nolan turned briefly to look at me as we approached the traffic lights. His hand pushed against the small of my back as he guided me over the crossing. Once on the other side, Nolan’s hand dropped and he started speaking again. “The kids are wild. You’re most comfortable in leggings around them.”

“It’s for my date. With Mr Handsome.” I reiterated once I had tapped in and walked through the barriers at the underground station. Nolan followed behind me and walked towards the escalators. “You better not follow me.”

“I’ll be right there, Miss Baker.” Nolan said in a low voice. “As always, Miss Baker. I’ll be right there.”

“Of course, Stalker.” I waited on the step. Normally, I’d rush down, but today, I was wearing heels and a dress. I didn’t want to fall, so I stayed put. Nolan was standing on the step behind me and his hand hovered to my left in a protective way.

I couldn’t find a seat on the tube so I stood on the inside, opposite the accessible seats. Nolan was standing by the door and I noticed a girl push into him intentionally as she got up. Nolan ignored her, but she smiled up at him, holding onto the pole that was directly behind him. I shook my head at her confidence. She was touching him and standing so close that I could literally balance a paperclip between their noses. Argh! That skank needed to go. I pushed my way towards them and Nolan’s eyes instantly followed my movement. He was standing straight anyway, but he shifted as I approached. My hand wrapped around the pole, underneath Miss Skank’s hand and Nolan looked between the two of us when I stared up at her with a frown on my face.

“Excuse me.” Nolan pushed past Miss Skank’s hand and stood facing me. “Are you alright?” He asked, his brow furrowed.

“Nope.” I looked at Miss Skank who narrowed her eyes at me. I took Nolan’s hand and wrapped it around my shoulder. He rolled his lips and looked straight ahead, into the overcrowded carriage. Yes, bitch, he’s mine.

 The carriage started to empty once we had gone past Finsbury Park, where Miss Skank got off too. Well, she probably got off the minute she saw Nolan, but that was something I didn’t really want to think about. Nolan guided me to an empty seat and stood in front of me. A man, probably in his twenties or thirties was seated beside me and looked at Nolan.

“Do you want to sit?” He asked.

“I’m alright, thanks.” Nolan replied.

The man got off a couple stops later and Nolan took his seat for the remaining six stops. Nolan walked with me to school and once I was inside the gates, he disappeared into the coffee shop across the road, as usual.

It had just gone past six. I fished my phone out of my handbag and searched Google Maps for a quick route back to Mayfair. There wasn’t one. It would take over an hour. I ignored all my notifications and went straight to my messages with Mr Handsome.

Felicity:                 I’m running late. I WILL BE THERE. Just a little later. ETA to follow when I’m on the underground.

I walked out of the school and saw Nolan Stalker standing right by the gates, which was nothing new, but he was talking to a beautiful woman which was new. She was smiling at him and giggling. At what, I had no idea. I strode towards them and placed my hand on his arm.

“Darling, it’s date night. Did you forget?” I said, smiling sweetly at the two of them. Women were attracted to Nolan. It wasn’t uncommon for him to get attention wherever we went. But usually, his attention was on me and I got to avoid the jealous part of me from showing him exactly what it did to me.

“Let’s go.” Nolan said, turning and walking next to me. “I don’t know her. Or the woman from the tube this morning. And don’t call me darling, please, Miss Baker.”

“Sweetheart?” I chuckled. “How about baby?”

Nolan shook his head. “Aren’t you late for your…”

“Date with Mr Handsome?” I said, trying to tease him in answer to his taunt. My phone pinged and I knew it was from Mr Handsome. I’d changed the alert tone this afternoon on my lunch break.

         Declan:                  Before 7.09, worth it. After 7.10, wuss with excuses.

Felicity:                 Screw you, Mr Arrogant. I’ll be there for 7.30 whether you like it or not.        

Declan:                  Can’t wait. Already imaging your lips around my eggplant emoji 😉

I laughed out loud at his quirky comment. He didn’t text the eggplant emoji, he literally typed the words eggplant and emoji. What an overconfident handsome and hot man. He turned me on and I couldn’t wait to see where we would end up. I knew Nolan was never going to date me. And Mr Handsome was the first man in a long while that I remotely found funny. It wasn’t hard getting good looking men to date me when they found out who my father was. But it was impossible to find someone who actually liked me for me. Mr Declan Waters seemed like the man who actually liked who I was, not who my father was.

I took in a deep breath as I opened the door of the bar on the corner of Mayfair. Three days ago, I met Mr Handsome due to a random twist of events. We sort of had a blind first date, if it even counted as a date. But now, I was more nervous than I had been when I took my exams for my master’s degree. I was early, or late, but early. It was exactly 23 past seven. Mr Handsome’s text came through on my phone when I exited the station. He said he would get to the bar at quarter past seven so that I didn’t feel the pressure of trying to get there too early. That was sweet of him. I looked around and saw him as he stood. He looked incredible in his crisp navy suit and matching tie. His hair bounced as he nodded once. His broad smile made my heart flutter and I knew, if nothing else, I’d fall for him because of that smile of his. I let go of the door as I stepped in and made my way towards him.

“Hi.” I mouthed, unable to stop my smiling or the excitement that was building in my stomach.

“Hey.” Mr Handsome pulled me in for a hug and planted a kiss on my cheek. “You know, I was contemplating cancelling. Fucking glad I didn’t now.” He gestured to the seat and I slid across the bench into the booth. “You’re being followed.” He said, glancing at the door.

I turned slightly to see that Mr Stalker was hovering at the door. I rolled my eyes and Declan caught that. “I can’t help it. It’s not like I pay him to follow me. He doesn’t listen to my orders.” I sighed. It was Father’s commands that Mr Stalker followed.

“Any ideas how to get rid of him?” Declan said, as he acknowledged Mr Stalker in a sarcastic wave.

“Unfortunately, Mr Stalker isn’t one I can escape. Trust me, I’ve been trying for years.” I smiled, looking through the menu. The burger was appealing and I definitely regretted not eating that the last time. “I’m gonna have the gourmet burger and chips again. I didn’t get to finish that the last time.”

“Mr Stalker. He has the perfect name for his job, right?” Declan said, bringing his attention back to the menu. “I’ll have the same, actually.”

“Yep, he sure does.” I smiled, remembering that I was the one that christened him with that name when we first met.

“Did he get into an altercation with someone?” Declan said, once he placed our order for food. He ordered the specials cocktail for me and his overly priced single malt for himself.

I looked over and saw the two small Steri-strips plastered on Nolan’s temple, holding his cut together. I’d hurt him. How could I have? I winced at the thought. Nolan was now seated on a table close to the door with his laptop open and me in his line of sight. It looked as though he had ordered something to eat and drink too. I looked back at Mr Handsome and shrugged my shoulders. Any lies that came out of my mouth would be caught out.

“So, Miss Felicity Baker, what do you do apart from working at a community centre, teaching English to underprivileged foreign children, and teaching at a nursery?” Declan asked.

“Apart from that?” I had to think. For such a long time, that’s all my life revolved around. Trying to flirt with Nolan Stalker, running him through the walls, and work. I looked into my now arrived burger, as if I was trying to separate each ingredient to its original element. What was I supposed to say? I lived a pretty boring life.

“Yes, I mean, what else do you do with your life?” He asked.

“Nothing much, to be honest. I make time to see my two best friends as often as possible. But usually it’s every few weeks at best. We don’t do the standard dinner catchups. It’s always fun activities, all the time. We do stuff like going to adventure golf places around London or Top Golf or indoor trampolining and Go Ape. Have you ever been?”

“Can’t say I’ve done Go Ape or indoor trampolining. But golf is a good pastime. Actual golf. Not Top Golf or adventure golf or the sort.”

“I go to the gym three times a week. Mr Stalker forces me to. He goes every day. Spends at least an hour and half there. We have one just across the street and he’s there as soon as it opens at around six in the morning.” I stopped speaking when I realised this information was too personal for me to have known if we didn’t live together.

“Me too!” Mr Handsome said. “Although I have a 24-hour gym in my building.”

“I hate going to the gym.” I admitted. It was obvious I didn’t have a gym body and my appetite was unwavering. Despite all of that, I needed Mr Handsome to know that I wasn’t ever going to look as attractive as those models on TV.

“You look hot regardless.” Mr Handsome said.

I blushed. It was weird being called hot. But I couldn’t tell whether Mr Handsome actually believed that. He must, otherwise why were we even on this date? He’d made it abundantly obvious that he thought I was spoilt. I needed to get to the bottom of that. I didn’t want to know anything more until that was out on the table.

“Why do you think I’m spoilt?” I asked.

“I don’t. I did. I don’t anymore.” He said, leaning back on his seat. The waiter arrived with our drinks and nodded at us. Mr Waters pushed my cocktail to me and lifted his drink up. “To overcoming prejudice.”

“To overcoming prejudice.” I lifted my glass to meet his and with a slow but purposeful twist of his wrist, Mr Waters clinked our glasses.

“I’m assuming your single?” Mr Waters said with a smirk across that devilish face of his.

“Yes, I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t.” I looked at him dead in the eyes. Would he tell me about his ex-wife if I asked? “Are you?”

“I’m single. Recently divorced, actually. Would rather not talk about it though.” He said, downing his expensive drink. “Anything else is game.”

“Really?” I looked at him suspiciously. “Anything?”

“There’s not much that I wouldn’t tell you.”

“What kind of properties do you develop?” I asked. I wasn’t good at this dating thing. The last date I had wasn’t even a date. It was Simon Never-Gonna-See-Again and that turned out to be an epic-fail before the trailer even finished. I didn’t know what questions were alright to ask and what should be kept to the day before marriage.

“I acquire land and build affordable housing on it.” He said, smiling. “I can go on about it all day long. I’m sure you’ll get bored.”

The waiter arrived with our food and Declan ordered another cocktail for me and another of his Dalmore 1263 King Alexander III shot for himself.

“You have an expensive taste in drink.” I said, not expecting a response.

“You’re still caught up on the £17.50 that you think I owe you?”

“No. I’m just… saying. It’s an expensive choice of drink. For normal people.”

“I am normal.” Mr Waters said, the corners of his mouth twitching.

“I didn’t mean it in a rude way. I just… I couldn’t afford that.” I said, taking a bite out of my burger. “Hmm. This is nice!”

“How can you not afford it?” Declan said, taking a bite of his own burger. “You’re the daughter of a billionaire.”

“I might be. But I’ve told you before. I make my own living.” Could we not have talked about anything else? I hated the topic of money. That was something my father cared more about than me.

“You did. But I didn’t believe you.” He said. “I like that you don’t care about your dad’s money. You seem different to the people I meet. It’s refreshing. I want to see where this goes.”

“You seem over…”

“Confident?” Declan smiled and oh that smile made my insides turn into slush.

“Yes. You are. Do you ever hear a no from anyone?” I said, smiling uncontrollably.

“Not often.” He said. “Where does that Stalker guy follow you to?”

I looked over at Mr Stalker who had eaten half a burger and was listening to something on his laptop. It better not have been this conversation. I’d lose my mind if he dared spy on my date. “Home. He will retreat to his place once I’m in mine.” I didn’t lie, but I didn’t tell the whole truth. I couldn’t exactly tell Mr Handsome that Stalker lived with me and was in the room right next to mine.

“Wow. So you have people standing outside your residence?”

“Nope. I live in a secure building.” No one stood outside, unless Nolan wasn’t at home with me and that only really happened two times a year. Once at the beginning of July for three days, and another in early December for three days. Nolan had nights out too, but that was usually when I was at Baker Manor, with Father for our weekly dinners. He had never spent a Christmas with us, and would typically drop me off at my parents’ on Christmas Eve and then return on Boxing Day in the afternoon. Every year since he started working for Father, Nolan spent the entire week before Easter on leave and would usually return on the night of Easter Monday or the morning after.

“Okay, then I guess I could drop you home and kiss you?” Declan said, confident as ever. “And, of course, hope that you’ll invite me in and let those rules of yours go to hell?”

“Ha!” I chuckled. “Those rules… you remember?”

“Yes, they were on my mind. Do you have a list or are they just random creations of your mind?”

“List.” I laughed. “I actually have a list.”

Declan laughed and I had never heard anything so sexy. “I’ll get through this rulebook of yours.”

“Sure can try.” I said, staring into his eyes. Something about him was drawing me in and I couldn’t control the need to kiss that smiling mouth of his. “We should go.”

“Now?” Declan asked, his smile flattening.

“Yes, drop me home, Mr Declan Waters.” I whispered.

“Yes, do I get to come in?”

“Nope. But I want to see you tomorrow. At the party at my father’s house.”

“I’ll be there.” Declan said, raising his hand to catch the attention of the waiter, who swiftly walked over. “Can we get the bill, please?”

“Yes, sir, how was your meal?” The waiter said, making polite conversation.

“Great, thanks.” Declan said, turning to me. “I hope you liked it?”

“Yes, thanks.” I looked between the two, smiling. Could we get out of here already? I really wanted to kiss this man. For what seemed like the first time in years, I actually wanted to kiss him for myself. Not to make Nolan Stalker jealous. I could let myself fall for this one. I supposed he was what I was holding out for.

Stalker followed a couple meters behind as Declan walked me home. It was only a couple minutes and Stalker wasn’t angry when Mr Handsome asked if he could drop me home. His response was as casual as could be.

“Is he going to watch?” Declan asked when we got to the entrance of the Mayfair building.

“No.” I said, taking my bottom lip between my teeth. This man made me feel like a teenager. I had butterflies in my stomach at the anticipation of what was going to follow. I wanted his lips. I craved their warmth on mine. “If you’re confident enough to even try, Mr Arrogant.” I smiled.

Declan’s smile widened. “You know I’m confident. Don’t even care if your bodyguard watches.” Declan’s hands wrapped around my back and he pulled me closer. I caught my breath and swallowed. This was it. My tongue rolled out to wet my lips and I closed my eyes as I felt Declan’s hardness on my stomach. Woah! He was turned on, alright. “I’m going to kiss you, now.” He said, seconds before I felt his lips on mine. And wow, did it feel good. His tongue traced my lips and soon enough, it found its way into my mouth, where it played with mine in a war of sorts. I could swear I had never held my breath for longer. I was lost. In the moment. Nothing around me mattered. Nothing else even made sense. I was backed onto the wall and I could feel all of him on me. I moaned unintentionally and his kissing became more desperate. His hand pushed open my coat and slid up from my stomach to my breast. Shit! No. I pressed my hands against his chest, his hard chest, and pushed him off me. I opened my eyes and looked straight into his. He looked dishevelled. I caught my breath and shook my head slightly and glanced over at Mr Stalker, who was looking out into the dark street.

“Good night, Mr Declan Waters.” I said, taking my bottom lip between my teeth. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Hmm. Good night, Miss Felicity Baker.” Declan smiled. And hell, if that wasn’t the sexiest smile I had ever seen.