Chapter 6: Inch by Inch

Nolan parked up at his usual spot, in front of the window that looked into the first reception room. I got out of the car before he turned the engine off. He followed me two steps at a time as I ran up the stairs to Father’s office on the first floor. I pushed the door open and stood in front of a surprised audience. Nolan stepped right beside me and signalled something to Father, behind my back.

“Mr Baker, apologies for disturbing. It’s urgent, about the security system at Miss Baker’s Mayfair flat.” Nolan stated without a hitch, as if that’s exactly why I had barged into Father’s office. I stayed quiet, well took audible breaths but kept my mouth figuratively shut. I didn’t need to embarrass Nolan. He always lied for me.

Father stood up. “Sure, Mr Stalker. Give me a minute.” He turned to his attendees and apologised for our intrusion. “Can we pick this up tomorrow? It’s already gone past nine now anyway. Thank you for joining me at such short notice, gentlemen.” Father saw the two suited men out of his office and Mr Bernard escorted them down the steps I had just climbed. They were a bit old for my security detail. Maybe this had nothing to do with me and everything to do with Father’s actual business.

“What the hell are you thinking?” Father looked between Nolan and me. When he didn’t get a response, he shouted. “Felicity?”

I stepped back, blinking a few times. Nolan’s arm surfaced on my back and steadied me from falling. He didn’t move it from its position. He didn’t fear my father. And what he was doing wasn’t wrong.

Father spoke quieter than before. “Do not enter my office when the door is closed. How many times, Felicity? How many times do I have to tell you?” Father asked but he knew he wasn’t getting an answer to that. He looked between Nolan and me and then went to take his seat. “What are you here for?”

“You asked Nolan to literally stalk me. Lit-er-ally?” I took the seat in front of his desk. Nolan stayed by the door.

“No.” He responded.

“Father? Nolan was listening in on my conversation today. He had no right.” Lies. Nolan knew he had all the rights to everything in and about my life but Father didn’t know that and Father definitely didn’t have the right to my private life.

“Felicity. It’s for your protection.” He said, looking at Nolan and gesturing for him to sit next to me. Nolan did as Father indicated.

“You need to stop. I can’t deal with this anymore. I’ll leave. And you’ll never see me. Ever again.” I said, tears now streaming down my face. Nolan handed me his handkerchief and swallowed hard.

“Felicity, don’t cry. This is for your good.” Father said.

“No. It’s not.” I was hysterical. My face was hidden in Nolan’s handkerchief and covered with my palms. Both these men knew exactly how restrictive my life had been since I was 15. For almost all of the 10 years I’d put up with it, rebelling every now and then. And when I’d finally stray a little outside the lines and break the strict rules, I was instantly met with resistance from something or other.

“Nolan? Please?” Father said, ordering Mr Stalker to do something.

“Miss Baker?” Nolan said softly.

“What?” I snapped at him and threw his handkerchief at his face, which he caught inches before it reached him.

“Miss Baker, what your father is trying to say is, that…” Nolan started but I didn’t let him finish.

“That I’m not allowed to have a boyfriend or to go out on a date or meet a good looking man or kiss anyone or touch anyone or even have sex for the very first time?! What? Too much information, Father?” I shouted and stood up and tried fruitlessly to push his oak desk even a slight bit.

Nolan stood up too. “Apologies, Mr Baker, I will step outside.”

“No.” I shouted and held onto his arm. “You stay. Or I go too.” Nolan was every part of me since before I’d turned 15. The then 19-year-old had started working for my father as part of my security detail, or paid friend, escort of sorts, since the academic year started. I was 14 and he’d enrolled at my school, was in my class sitting on the sides, like a kid in the naughty corner. He was fully vetted and allowed to be around children. Father had arranged full CRB, DBR and extensive background checks, which were carried out and shared with the school before he was allowed in. He was under strict orders to follow me everywhere, including the little girls’ room. The fifth or sixth time that happened was when three girls followed us in and I was given my first horrible nickname, Fee-fee the free-bee facility. There was nothing I would hide from Nolan. Nothing I could hide from him, even if I tried.

Nolan looked subjugated. His eyes locked at his shoes and arms pinned by his side.

Father looked at him then me, then back at him. “Mr Stalker, are you comfortable to stay?”

“If Miss Baker needs me, sir, I’ll stay.” Nolan responded, glancing at my Father and then looking back down at his shoes.

“I’m not doing this.” I said, walking out of the office. I didn’t want to hurt Nolan, the one human being that had always been on my side. And clearly what I was doing was hurting him. I walked over to my room. It was locked. I sat on the bench next to the door. Nolan hadn’t followed but Butch and Knight made their way to me, courtesy of Mr Bernard. I cooed them for a few minutes before Mr Bernard nodded at the two dogs and took his leave. They followed behind like the most well-trained security dogs that they were, no words needed. Maybe Nolan was getting an earful from my father. Well, he deserved that – he didn’t really, but I needed to feel better about myself.

I had dozed off and was awoken by Nolan’s hand on my shoulder. He sat beside me and handed me the key to my room and a brand new iPhone, set up and ready with everything that was on my previous phone.

“It should have everything from your old phone. I’ve restored from your backup. You may have lost the last couple of hours before your phone was damaged, though.”

“Thanks Nolan.” I leaned into his arm awkwardly and he straightened up, acting robotically. “What?”

“Your flat is secure now, Miss Baker. If you want to spend the night here, I’ll wait outside. Otherwise I’m happy to take you back to yours.”

“Ours.” I corrected him. His minutes, maybe hours, spent with Father a short while ago were clearly all about me. They were discussing me, what to do with me, how to deal with me. An overgrown child. He must have spent considerable time after that setting up my new phone. I knew my behaviour was more like a teenager’s, but in those years, I hadn’t gotten to experience the same things other teenagers did. So acting out now didn’t seem to be a big deal.

“No, Miss Baker, yours. I’m moving out, completely, within six days.” Nolan said.

“What? Why?” I stood up, staring at him.

“Circumstances, Miss Baker.” His evasive answer just made me want to question him more.

“Nolan Stalker? What the hell?” I pushed him back into the wall. He could have easily deflected, but he fell backwards into the movement anyway.

“I’m sorry, Miss Baker.” Nolan stood up. “Your flat is secure and I believe you’ll appreciate your privacy.” Nolan said, standing as still and straight as Mr Pocket-Tissues had three nights ago. Military. Was this what he had been discussing with Father?

“Privacy? From what? Your hidden cameras?” I said sarcastically. We both knew there were none in my bedroom or en-suite. Every other room, including his and the guest bathroom, had cameras. “Or you, Mr Stalker?”

“There aren’t any cameras in your bedroom and en-suite, Miss Baker. That will not change. I will be a call away, as will others. You won’t have anything to worry about around the clock.” Nolan said, devoid of all emotion.

“Others? What? Wait! Say I need you, all of a sudden, then how long will it take you to get to me?” I asked, curious to know exactly how far he was moving away.

“Less than two minutes.” Nolan said.

“Even when you’re sleeping.” I snickered.

“No, Miss Baker. You’ll have a new agent between the later hours until the morning. No one will be inside the building and the agents will be trained to get from outside the block to your bedroom door within five minutes.”

“No, they will not.” I shouted. Without hesitation, Mr Corey Slip-Up appeared right beside us. “You? What the hell are you doing here?” Hadn’t Father told me he wasn’t on the payroll? What did he do to get this far?

“Mr Stalker I didn’t realise you were here. Apologies, Miss Baker, I assumed you were distressed.” Mr Slip-Up said.

“I am.” My teeth gritted and I flushed red with anger. “Nolan! Stop this!” I felt dizzy and Nolan caught me before I collapsed. He propped me on the bench while Slip-Up handed me some water.

“Get Mr Baker.” Nolan ordered. I shook my head but Corey had already left by then. “Stay still.” Nolan said, squatting at my feet and rubbing my arms.

“Felicity? Are you alright?” Father asked, taking a seat beside me. No, I wasn’t. It was obvious that the past 10 years were now catching up with me. All my frustrations and inhibitions were boiling at the surface. “You need rest.” He said softly, before turning to Nolan in exasperation. “Why isn’t her room open, Mr Stalker.”

Nolan bounced up in a single glide. “Miss Baker has the keys. She’s deciding if she wants to stay here or return to her flat.”

“Stay here, tonight. Felicity. For my peace. Please? You can leave after breakfast tomorrow. We have much to discuss in the wake of current circumstances.” Father said. And he was right. There was much – too much – to discuss.

“Fine.” I didn’t have the energy to argue with whatever new plan Father and Nolan had just signed the blueprints to. I stood up and unlocked my room. The bed was made so I decided I was going to sleep in it.

Father and Slip-Up excused themselves when I stepped into my room. When they were out of earshot, I grabbed onto Nolan’s wrist to pull him into my room. “Come in, Nolan.”

“Miss Baker, I mustn’t.” He responded, tugging his hand out of my grasp.

“Mustn’t?” I looked him straight in the eyes.

“Yes. I cannot come in, Miss Baker.” He was acting too robotic.

“Fine.” I threw my key further into the room and pushed past him in an attempt to leave Baker Manor. Very quickly, his hands caught my waist and he pulled me back into him. I struggled against him, which I knew was pointless. But a huge part of me enjoyed running Nolan to the ground.

“Miss Baker, please, stop.” He said, whispering into the back of my head. So, I did. I stood still and Nolan dragged me, my feet barely scraping the floor, to my bed.

“Stay.” I said. Nolan listened, kind of. He retreated to the doorway but stayed within the room. “Why did the security system at our building need to be changed, Nolan?”

“There was a break-in, the day after Boxing Day, and another break-in a day before New Years Eve.” Nolan said.

“How did I not know about this? We were right there.” I rolled back onto my bed, looking at the ceiling and making knots in my hair.

“On the first attempt, they got into a flat on the first floor. On the second, they tried their luck on the second floor but failed.”

“They got in?”

“Yes, the first floor flat was ransacked.”

“How comes they failed the second attempt?”

“I took a walk, Miss Baker.”

I propped myself on my elbows, smiling at Nolan. “So that five-minute walk at 11 o’clock at night was you leaving me to save someone else’s flat?”

“Not exactly.” Nolan sighed.

“Then?” I was curious. He didn’t do anything that didn’t make sense. And him leaving me, when there was an obvious risk, didn’t make sense.

“I got the alert. You were playing dress up. I decided to take a walk. That’s all.” Every word that came out of his mouth was true. But I knew that the emotionless man in front of me was clearly hiding something.

“What if they evaded you and ran straight into my room?” I pondered, out loud.

“They couldn’t.” Nolan said, sure of himself.

“How do you know? Were they your hired goons?” I laughed.

“No, Miss Baker. I made sure to lock your flat and had Stalker’s Eye run simulations while out on the walk.”

“You didn’t confront them?” I asked. Nolan could defend himself from anything. But I was still allowed to worry about him.

“No, I did not. Just walked. That’s all.” He said.

“So you were worried about the third break-in being on the third floor and that’s why you got the entire building’s security system changed?” He couldn’t have been, or he wouldn’t have agreed to any of Father’s plans to leave our flat. I knew he wouldn’t leave me at all if he had a single doubt about my safety.

“No. I just spoke to the building manager after the two attempts. Set out a plan for installation and service. Arranged with Mr Baker for the financials. Once everything was sorted, I believe it was yesterday afternoon that I got the go ahead, then this morning I executed everything.”

“This morning?” I sat up straight on my bed and spoke with growing frustration. “You executed what?”

“The installation and setup.” Nolan said, unfazed by the tinge of anger in my voice.

“You were back this morning?” My voice was rising.

“Yes, Miss Baker.” Nolan stayed calm.

“Nolan, why didn’t you come and see me? Or tell me why you left? Or anything?” He wasn’t my boyfriend. I knew that. He knew that. But there were all these expectations I had from him all the time that lines blurred with him. It was as though I was married to him. A challenge in itself considering we hadn’t even kissed more than three times (more on that later) and whilst he had seen me naked a couple hundred times in our 10 years together, I’d only ever seen the top half of him naked. Never even once seen him without his trousers or jeans on. Not once in shorts, no matter the weather or destination and not once in only boxers, even on the night before my 18^th birthday.

“I arrived early in the morning and needed to get a lot of things in order before taking over from Corey.”

“So you just stalked me after I slipped Corey Slip-Up?” I said. “Couldn’t come running up from behind and hug me and kiss me and tell me how much you missed me and loved me?” Fine, that was a bit of an overkill even for my imagination.

“It won’t happen again, Miss Baker.” Nolan said, neutral faced.

“It better not! Rule number one?!” I reminded him.

“I’ll remember for next time, Miss Baker.” Nolan had to be practicing his poker face on a daily basis. How he was always able to keep a straight face when I was being so annoying was beyond me.

I fell back onto my bed again. “Why did you go Scotland?” I asked, looking at the light fixture on the ceiling.

“Personal reasons.” Nolan said dismissively.

“So personal that you can’t tell me?” I taunted. There wasn’t much I knew about Nolan before his life with me. The basics were all I knew. He’d moved from Scotland to London when he was seven or eight or something. Had already gotten an undergraduate degree in something related to cyber security by the age of 18 and wanted to continue learning, which he did while I was at university. I knew Father had paid for his further education at Cambridge, where he got special exceptions to study for his PhD in Engineering while sitting next to me in my English classes.

“I should leave.” Nolan said, ignoring my jab at him.

I clutched my chest and started to moan in pain. Nolan closed the distance between us before I could even take in another breath. I grabbed onto his arms and pulled myself up. 

“You’re alright?” He said, concerned.

“Yes. And no.” I smiled. “Yes, I’m fine since I’m not dying of chest pain. No I’m not alright because you’re hiding something important from me.”

Nolan got off of the bed and I clung onto him like a monkey, getting up with his movement. “Miss Baker, I really should leave.”

“No!” I pushed him back onto the edge of my bed and guided his hands to my waist as he sat looking down at our feet. He kept his hands where I placed them. I put each of my legs on either sides of his and inched closer. I flattened my palms on his chest and straddled his thighs and leaned my head on the back of my hands. “Why did you leave me on New Year’s Day, Nolan?”

“I’m sorry, Miss Baker. It was two days. It was unexpected and I couldn’t avoid it.”

“Nolan?” I whispered. He didn’t say anything. I rocked on his thighs as I became needier. “It was two and a half days.”

“Sorry, Miss Baker.” His actions and response was as turned off as it could get.

I stopped moving on his lap and worked my hands to his shoulders, still keeping my head buried in his chest. “Rule number four, Nolan. Why did you go to Scotland?” I asked in a final try to get him to open up to me.

“My mother passed away on New Year’s Eve. It was her funeral yesterday. I had to…”

I jerked my head up to face him and wrapped my hands around his broad torso, unable to link my fingers at his back so just grabbing onto the material of his suit jacket around his shoulder blades. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. I would have come… with you?!” Nolan had been everything for me over the last 10 years. He’d held my hand through the good and bad, the happy and sad. He’d stood with me at my graduation and held me at my mother’s funeral. He was more of a support system than my own father. I couldn’t help but think that I meant more than just a job to him. “You know that I love you, right?” I swivelled closer to his body, raising my shins onto the bed around him, kissing his neck inch by inch, up to his chin.

“Miss Baker.” Nolan breathed in heavily and closed his eyes. His hands, still wrapped around my waist, tightened. I kissed the stubble on the bottom of his chin and clasped his face, trying to bring it down to mine. Nolan’s neck stiffened and he pulled back, opening his eyes and locking them with mine. “Miss Baker, I should leave.” He lifted me off of him and stood up, spinning us around, and sat me on my bed. “Good night, Miss Baker. I’ll be outside if you…”

“Need anything? Right?” I said, interrupting a visibly unaffected but internally tormented Nolan. Ironically, the only thing I needed from him was the one thing he was never going to give me.

Nolan didn’t say anything more and closed the door to my room after leaving. I moved up my bed and crawled under the covers. Feeling rejected was nothing new. Stalker had been doing that pretty much since the moment he pulled away from our first kiss. But the fact that we had a second and third one… well that made me hope. I knew I was never going to find anyone else for me. All these rules and stupid, stupid, self-doubt I had, blocked every chance of me getting love. Nolan wouldn’t comment on my weight or appearance. He’d seen me go from a size 12 chubby teen to a size eight college-adolescent, to a size 18 young woman, and now a size 14 vicenarian. And while he only got more and more sexier, every time I’d gotten rejected after him, I spiralled into a bad eating habit that took years to get over.

I didn’t do social media or any media for that matter, so I’d learnt about Snapchat and Instagram through Nolan, who was on there for monitoring purposes. Since this was a new phone, hopefully Stalker’s Eye wasn’t up and running yet, so he wouldn’t be able to trace my internet history. I knew he could see what applications I downloaded on my phone. I downloaded the Snapchat thing. I added Nolan as my only contact and sent him a disappearing snap of my birthmark which was located on the lower right of my belly, under my belly button. I could see that he had opened it straight away but hadn’t added me back. He knocked on the door. I chose not to answer. He sent a snap back. I opened it and it was a black background with ‘Open the door, now, Miss Baker’, written on the screen. It disappeared after 10 seconds. I sighed loudly at the second knock.